Hey, Fighting Irish, Listen Up!

Dear Notre Dame Fighting Irish,

I know that we have never had an amicable relationship so I most definitely do not write this letter to you as friend.  I realize that you don’t even know who I am but what I have to say to you is not made important by my status, rather by your university’s lack thereof.  Please keep in mind everything that I say to you is for your benefit and not to add any additional animosity to our nonexistent relationship.

First, let me congratulate you on the announcement this week that you are joining the ACC as a full conference member.  Oh, wait.  That implies that you will be playing football in the conference but, of course, you are not.  You will just be playing five teams a year (probably Duke, Maryland, North Carolina, Wake Forest, and Boston College) and you will get to participate in their bowl games, except for the Orange Bowl which is reserved for the conference champion.  Oh, what’s that you say?  You can play in the Orange Bowl?  Funny, but the ACC says you can play opposite the ACC champ in that bowl game, which is basically run by the ACC anyway.  Interesting.

Second, let me say you have done a masterful job of keeping your name in the headlines for the past 23 years without really doing much on the field.  In the years since your last national championship (1988), you have become like the NCAA version of the British monarchy.  Your success is decades in the past yet people tend to keep you elevated on your laurels rather than on what you have done lately.  I understand that, just like the Royal Family, you have lots of money and you believe that is enough to keep you relevant, but haven’t we moved on from that line of thinking?  I mean, aren’t we in the 21^st century?  Does “Old Money” really make you relevant these days?  I do not begrudge you your fantastic history.  The monarchs had a great run as well, but at some point you have to let go of your arrogance and humble yourselves before your brethren. 

I know what you are saying, and you are right, to an extent.  It is not all your fault.  There are those who have colluded with you and kept you prominent well beyond your years.  It is not your fault that you accepted a mega-million dollar deal with NBC to have your home games broadcast exclusively by one of the big three networks.  It is not your vault that in 1998, when the NCAA decided to go with the BCS format, they granted you a free pass as long as you won just nine games instead of forcing you to join a conference.  (When was the last time a nine-win SEC team played in a BCS game?)  But, at some point, you have to realize who and what you are and sometimes you are not what you really think you are.

Third, this move to join the ACC in most sports may just be to secure your future for when the NBC deal is up in 2015 and then you will join the conference as a true full member.  If so, that’s great but just be up front about it.  Why all the secrecy if this is your intent?  People prefer honesty as opposed to scheming.  As I said earlier, we are in the 21^st century.  Come and join the rest of us.  It really isn’t a bad place.  Doing things in this manner only makes you look like a politician making campaign promises.

Fourth, I know this is hard for you to fathom but you really aren’t a significant player in college football anymore.  I know, I know.  You have 13 national championships and a bevy of Heisman Trophy winners.  You have Rudy, the Gipper, Touchdown Jesus and Lou Holtz.  Cherish your history and honor it.  You will not find a person who respects history more than me.  But you can’t live in the past.  You have to move forward.  I have been on your campus and it is beautiful.  (As a matter of fact, one of the greatest sports viewing-moments of my life came in 2008 when I was in South Bend to watch the Pittsburgh Panthers make an astonishing comeback win in a four OT thriller against the Irish.) You also have a passionate, devoted fan base and they deserve better.  Lately, you have been for like the Farting Irish than ones that Fight.

I don’t say this to offend you, but if you are honest with yourself, you will admit that it’s true.  Yes, you have made three BCS bowls but you have been housed in all three, one of those by the mighty Beavers of Oregon State.  Besides Oregon State, there have been many other schools who have secured a BCS bowl win while you have not.  Boise State (2), Utah (2), TCU, Louisville, Stanford and Kansas have all won bigger games than you have.  And if you want to look at recent bowl history in the BCS era, your record is only 2-10, with one of those wins coming in the Hawaii Bowl against the University of Hawaii.  In that time, powerhouse programs such as Kentucky, Maryland, South Florida and Rutgers all have as many as or more bowl wins than you.

I know this is difficult for you to read and it’s a blow to your mighty ego, but point out something that I have said that is not true.   You must realize that your independence in the sport is an antiquated philosophy and you must let go.  You have never had to buy the milk because you have always gotten the cow for free, but those days are coming to an end.  That is why I hope this deal with the ACC is more like dating a girl before marrying her than it is like an arranged marriage where both sides get something out of it but the motives for the relationship are not genuine. 

I know that my opinion means nothing to you, and that’s fine.  I also know that our relationship will always be as it is now, and that, also, is fine.  And in the end, this letter is no more relevant in the grand scheme than you are relevant in the grand scheme of NCAA football.  But know this one thing.  This letter is sincere and this is how my four eyes see it. 

Your biggest anti-fan,

Brian Ray Gross

P.S. I know that the college football Hall of Fame is in South Bend, Indiana and you like to flaunt that.  But it really makes sense to have it there.  I mean, where else would you put a dinosaur other than a museum?